I am still single! Yes it’s been 10 years since my husband passed away and I am still single. I have not been able to get my romantic life together since his passing. There have been “almost taken” post in the course of this time, but nothing ever quite stuck.
Two years ago I wrote a post called I’m 33 And Still Single! So What Now! Click the link and read the post here I’m 33 and STILL SINGLE! SO WHAT NOW!!!
Here I am ending 2017 and yet writing a new post of still being single at 35. At this point I have many emotions about being single.
First emotion is frustration. I did not imagine that I would still single at 35. I was 25 when my husband was killed. I went through grief, loneliness and regret. With all those emotions, I did not predict I would be single 10 years later.
Second emotion I feel is confusion. What is confusing is why I can’t seem to meet the right guy. I knew that after the passing of my husband, getting back into the dating game would not be easy, but who knew how hard it truly is!
Third emotion I feel honestly is defeat. I know I am not perfect. But I feel like I am attracting the wrong man. I know what I want. Even though I have the desire to be with a good man, I kept attracting the men who are dishonest, only want sex and men who only wanted me when he convenient.
This make me feel totally defeated. I am not getting the type of man I want. I am instead attracting all the things I do not want. So what else can I do???
Am I unconsciously attract the type of man I don’t want? Men can sense our eagerness to get off the dating market. He can sense someone who want to be married and have kids right away. So because some women are rushing things, we actually attract those who take advantage of our needs.
In the 10 years of my singleness. I went from depressed to almost being a satisfied single. Though I wrote that I was satisfied being single, truth was I wanted to feel like I was satisfied but I was honestly dissatisfied.
At one point I accepted my single season. But I did not truly embrace it the way I should have. The moment I saw a friend or celebrity getting engaged, I would crawl in bed and have a good cry. Suddenly I was back to being depressed and felt unloved.
The stigma that singles are lonely made me want to fight that stigma. I know plenty men and women who was embracing their single season and sharing that with the world. I wanted to be apart of that celebration. Because so far I was proving the naysayers right smh.
What I am learning from being single at 35,
I need to be totally honest with my feelings
Have to be real with what kind of man I want in my life
Stop dating when I am lonely because I seemed to settle for whoever was there
Not to rush the process
Stay celibate until I meet the right guy. A great couple of weeks with a guy does not require a night cap.
Wait on God to bless me with the right guy
Being single in my 30’s is still a challenge for me. It seem like before I know it, I will be 40 and then 50 and I will still be single. My children never grew up with a man in the house. It has always been just mom. It make me a bit sad that they have never seen a man really love me nor them. So I look at that and it saddens me.
At the end of the day, life is not promised to us. I want to be able to spend the rest of my life happy. Not happy because a man is in my life, but because no matter what, I am blessed to be alive and in good health.
What I want to take into the New Year is peace. Peace that whatever happens, will happen. Not to let what I don’t have depress me. To be full of light and love no matter the circumstances. I pray that I can maintain some peace I have about being single.
Are you over 30 and still single? How are you embracing your single season? Do you feel the pressure to get married or have children before you are 35? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Until next time xoxo