Have you ever been in a relationship where you was not getting your needs met? I know many has experienced this at one point in their lives. I went through a relationship where we were not together but we liked each other.
What is a Situationship? Well there is an urban definition for this. Situationship is a relationship that has no label on it. It’s a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship. How many of you have been in this situation? I have been in this situationship with my ex off and on for 5 years.
We were not a couple but we were intimate with each other. It was such a grey area because though we were not together, we were doing things that couples do. We for the most part got along but our relationship did not progress.
I got tired of being stuck in this phase with him. Things would be great but then he would pull back if it felt like we might be getting serious. I held on for 5 years because I wanted to believe that we would finally become a couple again. We dated but we broke after being together for 3 months. So this time around I felt like all he needed was a reminder of why we were together at one point and how we can get back to being a couple.
After trying to be with him, I started to see that he was just not into me in that way. As long as I was intimate with him, he was great. But he never quite gave me the attention or communication I needed. I knew it was time to walk away. When you are more depressed than happy, you know it’s time to think about the next step to getting your happy back.
Here are 5 signs I saw that made me walk away from my situationship
- I Was Unhappy
The fact was I was unhappy with our situationship. I wanted more and he was content where we were. I was more depressed than happy. At one point in your life, you have to pay attention to your happiness more than what you want.
I wanted this relationship but getting there was depressing me. This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks! I am sacrificing my happiness for something that will never happen. It was time for me to walk away because my unhappiness was affecting my work and my children.
2. Children Deserve A Happy Parent
When you are focused on someone else, you are jepordizing your relationship with not only yourself , but your children. I was having a rough time faking being happy. My son in particular felt like I was not myself. I would tell him i’m okay but deep down I was not fine.
Once I realized that my unhappiness could not be hidden from my children, I knew it was time to regroup and refocus. My children are the most important to me. They deserve to see a happy mama. So I decided to walk away from my situationship for not only myself but for my children.
3. Self Love Is More Important
One of the biggest questions I had to ask myself was “If I loved myself?” It seemed I was putting all my self worth into the hands of someone else. If this person did not love me, then I felt worthless. I knew I had to redirect the love I was lacking back into myself. You should never measure your self worth based on another human being. Before anyone can love us, we first have to love ourselves. That was when I knew self love is more important.
4. Basing Your Happiness On Your Relationship Status
In a world where everyone is either getting engaged or married, I had to tell myself it is okay if I am still single. Many look at those who are single with pity. I was falling into the pressure of social media. People I knew who were all getting engaged or married online. It will make you feel like you are not special or loved.
I have spent so much time hating my single life that I was not embracing my single season. Being in my situationship was better than being completely alone. But the whole time I felt very alone. Basing your happiness on someone loving you isn’t the way to go.
But being single truly isn’t the end of the world. Use your single season to take care of self. Do all the things you love to do like travel or hang out with friends and family. Love will happen when we lease expect it.
5. Feeling The Pressure
The biggest thing for me is pressure. That was more on me and not him. I felt the pressure to get married. I am done having children, but I wanted my children to have two parents in a household.
Part of the reason why things never progressed with my ex was because I was pressuring him to make things official. We used to hang out together with our kids in the past. I wanted that feeling of family and togetherness. He felt that pressure and that was part of the reason we never got back together.
I recognize that. It made me realize that I cannot succumb to the pressure of age, time and other people. Others around me was getting into committed relationships. I felt like I was left behind. So I knew I had to get out of my situationship because all I was doing was pressuring myself and the other person to make a decision.
No one likes to feel pressured into a relationship. If you know the relationship is not progressing, don’t pressure the other person, simply walk away. Though it is easier said than done, you will thank yourself in the long run.
These 5 signs was what lead me to ending my 5 year situationship. It is always best to confront your feelings and act accordingly. Do not delay leaving a situation that served no purpose. We can hold on to a dead relationship and wonder why we are so unhappy.
Make the choice to end it. There is someone better out there for you. If you see signs you are about to enter a situationship, leave! Most try to stick it out hoping things will change. Sometimes it does change but most of the time it does not.
Have you ever been in a situationship? How did you get out of this situationship?