I have stated in my last blog post that my New Year’s Resolution was to LET LOVE FIND ME. But what I also learned is it is important for you to GROW ALONE! Yes! What I most regret about being single in the past was not spending time with myself! I was so busy trying to be in a relationship that I failed to form a relationship with MYSELF!
I never got that chance to really get to know ME. When I was married I didn’t really know who I was. I knew what I wanted but I never took any time out to get to know myself. I went from living with my parents to living with my husband. I was single and had no kids but I spent every single day with my husband before we got married. When I was alone all I thought about was him. I did not really use my alone time to work on a solid career or spend time writing or anything. If I was not with him I was calling him, texting him or thinking about him. Never did I really get to know myself and it showed through my lack of confidence and insecurities. Even when my husband passed away I still did not take that time to truly grieve and try to be alone and focus on getting to know myself as a single mother. My identity was in men and not in me. It is really sad.
The moment I decided to finally get to know myself is when I began to GROW! I have learned so much about myself, got to know what kind of parent I am and I got to know MY CAREER PATH! I did not base my career on what my husband wanted for me, what others wanted or expected out of me, nor did I give in to the pressure of picking a career just to say I do this for a living, I spent time with God and He has lead me to my calling! My calling is to share my journey as a single woman and mother. To share my many mistakes in life and how I have gotten to where I am right now! Trust me I have been through so much in my life and instead of letting it break me I made it my BREAKTHROUGH!!!
I have to be honest and say that if I was not single, then I would not have figured out what God wanted from me. I would not be pursuing my career now. God had to block my relationship with men so that I can form a new relationship with Him and with myself! Sometimes we think God is not hearing us when we pray and He don’t care about us but HE DO! Sometimes He will remove the very thing that distract us or is not good for us so that we can hear HIM SPEAK TO US! Through this single season I have been able to hear from God and to work on ME!
I have improved my cooking skills, became a better mother and to be a better woman single so that I can be a much better mate to my Future Husband. I am glad I have found myself through this season and I know this is just the beginning!