I don’t mind Sleeping ALONE!

Yes I said it, I don’t mind sleeping alone! I have spent so many years hating to lay in bed alone. When my husband passed away I realized that one of the things I missed about my husband was us laying in bed. We would hold on to each other when we slept. Or if we was not holding on to each other, we would hold hands when we slept. I did not realize that he noticed we did that. My husband is a heavy sleeper so I always have to get him up for work in the morning. So I did not think he would remember how we slept every night. He was out of town visiting family and I was in school and had finals, so I could not go with him. Our first night away from each other, we were talking on the phone and he told me that he miss sleeping next to me because we held each other when we slept. I did not realize he paid attention to the little things.

So with him being gone, I realized that I did not like sleeping alone. I felt so lonely and it felt cold on the other side of the bed where my five month old son now laid. Mothers you know you love when your child sleep next to you at night, but the comfort they can give you is not the kind of comfort you may need from an adult. So after awhile I decided that I wanted to be married and I can have someone to lay in bed with and make love to.

The sad part of me wanting to be married and yearning to have someone lay in bed with me, was that I compromised my belief in order to feel that warm body next to me. I would know some of these men were not with me because I was an awesome person. Most of the guys that have been with me knew I was lonely and I was desperate for some love and affection, so they fed me lies and made it seem like they wanted the same things I wanted. Deep down I knew they were not truthful but I at times told myself that if I can have that feeling for at least one night of a man pretending he wanted me and wanted to be with me, then I will just take it. So it felt nice having someone to lay with but then in the morning life goes back to normal and he never give you a call back or he will only contact you when he wanted a warm body to lay with. After awhile, I got tired of pretending that a guy genuinely wanted me for me and I knew that the reality was I was not ready to have someone in my life. I did not love myself so how can any man love me if I did not love me?

I wanted to be ok with laying in bed alone. I wanted to wait until I am married to have someone to lay with. I wanted to love myself and to know that being single is better than laying next to the one who did not have any intention to be with me. I wanted to stop living a fantasy and wanted to get REAL! We cannot accept just anyone in our bed because we are lonely. Having the wrong person in your bed really do not cure your loneliness. What it does is feed your need for a short period of time and when the morning come, you become more lonely than you felt the night before!

So I came to the conclusion to WAIT ON THE LORD! There is nothing wrong with you if you are single. There is nothing wrong with you if you don’t have a warm body to lay next to. It is much better to lay in bed alone then to lay in the bed with the WRONG MAN!

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