Dont’t make him PAY

The last guy broke my heart! How can I trust my new man? All men cheat! So what make him so different from the last one? We all have asked this question when we meet someone new. That last relationship really BROKE US DOWN! It seem like we as women keep picking the wrong man right! With every HEARTBREAK IT TEARS US DOWN A NOTCH. So when we meet the next guy, we treat him as if he cheated before we even get the relationship started.

I want to tell my future wives that we cannot treat our new guy like our last relationship. When we get into a new relationship, our intentions are to finally get past what the last guy did to us. We go into this new relationship saying that this guy is going to be different from the last but we don’t give this new guy A FAIR CHANCE!. If he is going to the store, we judge if he is gone for more than an hour. If he hang out with his friends, we swear he is going to meet a female and he is going hook up behind our backs. If he is away on business we think he is going be somewhere having an affair and he is really not there for business. So going into the relationship we already declared him a cheater and liar and THAT IS NOT FAIR!

That is why it is important for us ladies to DATE WHEN WE ARE HEALED from the past hurts and pain. JUMPING FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER IS DAMAGING TO THE SOUL! When you have not taken a break from the last relationship, we don’t give our HEARTS TIME TO HEAL PROPERLY. It feels better when you are with someone and taking time out will make us look lonely and undesirable.

With all of my experiences in life, I realized that I was part of the reason why I never had any relationship besides my husband. I first of all never healed from my husbands death. I instead focused on looking like a lonely single mother. I focused on wanting my son to have a father figure in his life. I focused on fearing of being alone. I did not like the feeling of being alone and people looking at me as the SINGLE MOTHER rather than the WIDOW who lost her husband. So I went on this search for a family. Not only did I not get the family I wanted, I brought two beautiful girls into this world BUT NEVER GO THE FAMILY I WANTED.

 I dated for years without healing from the death of my husband. What I did was get into these situations with these men who did see my desperation and ran with it. I went from guy to guy and treated him like the last guy and on top of that compared everyone to my husband. I was never ready to date but I did not want to be judged for being single and I did not want to BE ALONE! But what I found out after years of dating with no success was that I NEEDED TO BE ALONE! I needed to HEAL and I needed to Focus on God and my CHILDREN.  I realized this a couple of months ago. I have been celibate for almost a year but I was still dating. But with each failed date, I was beginning feel burnt out! I got the epiphany that this is the season for me to leave the dating scene for a while. I needed to focus on God and Kids. I needed to for once in my life heal my heart. Give my heart a break from constant heart break. To stop dating the same type of men. To be still and let God talk to me. I needed some real direction for my life. So I have not been on a date for three months and it is the most FREEING FEELING IN THE WORLD!!! I feel better and finally WORKING ON MYSELF AND MY SELF ESTEEM! When I get into another relationship, I will no longer have that access baggage in my heart for my past. I can finally give someone a fair chance and I can better see what kind of man I am dating.

Do not MAKE HIM PAY for what the last person did to you! Heal first and then DATE WHEN YOU ARE READY AND NOT LONELY!

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