I think there is this stigma that a man don’t know what love is. After all, most men cheat right? Most men don’t know how to cherish a good woman when they have it right in front of their faces! Well I used to feel that same way until one day I got this epiphany, MEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT, IT’S JUST NOT YOU!!!
That revelation was very hurtful because I went through this not once but twice!! Nothing more discouraging and a bruise to the ego when a man that you think should be with you. choose someone else! After my husband passed away I felt lost! I wanted love and I wanted a family. So after awhile I started my desperate search for a man that I thought I can build a life and family with. I missed my husband but I just did not want to raise my son alone. So in the midst of that search, I found someone who I think would be great!
When I met this guy, he reminded me of my husband. He was thoughtful, kind and he was a gentleman. We called each other and texted each other all the time! So I figured that this is the one! He remind me of my husband and he loved kids!!! Perfect right! I thought so. We only dated for a month and I figured I needed to lock him down. So we were talking one day I asked about a future together. He said it was still new so he could not answer that right now. I felt rejected and instead of agreeing it was too early, I said I think we should stop seeing each other!!!! Yep I was so immature! We only dated a month and I thought he should already have it in his mind that I was the one! Crazy. Well we stopped seeing each other but we kept in touch throughout the years. We eventually reconnected and hooked up and spent some time together. After months of reconnecting and spending time together, I approached the subject again about trying for a relationship. He told me that he really liked me and we had great chemistry, but he did not want to be exclusive with anyone. I had no choice but to accept it but tell him that we can no longer have a sexual relationship. So we parted ways on good terms and continued to keep in touch, but not in a romantic way.
Months down the road I saw pictures of him and a mystery woman all over social media. Curious, I went on his page to investigate who this woman was. Well she was someone he was friends with for years. He pursued the relationship past friendship and now they were EXCLUSIVE!!!!! I was not only shocked but once again I felt that rejection I once felt from years ago! So he did not want to be EXCLUSIVE WITH ME!!! Wow! That revelation hit me with a ton of bricks!!!! So I continued to keep an eye out for them because deep down I wanted another chance. Since he was in that frame of mind where he was finally ready for a relationship, if they broke up, I can swoop right back in! But in the mean time I began dating other people and soon decided to leave his page alone and focus on my kids and work.
Failed encounter after failed encounter, I never became serious with any of the guys I was dating. So one day I thought about the one guy who I really liked and wondered if he was in a relationship still or if they finally broke up. Well to my surprise not only was he still with this woman but They got MARRIED!!!!! Not only was they married but had a child on the way!!!!! You just don’t know how I felt at that moment! All this time I was telling this man that I wanted a relationship and even marriage one day and he kept saying he was not ready for a relationship. But the truth was he was ready for those things but just NOT WITH ME!!
I followed their journey to parenthood on his social media page. He seemed really happy and he obviously was in love with his wife! His family seemed to love her and it made me extremely sad. We as women can sometimes size up another woman and wonder why he picked her over us! Why her? What did she have that I don’t? That when I realized that she simply had his heart and not mines! Sad but I had to face the facts. I basically begged for this man to be with me and have a future with me without giving him a real chance to figure out how he felt. I was desperate and he knew that and knew he didn’t want that type of woman. He found someone who he developed feelings for and he pursued and made an honest woman out of her. So I could not be mad at that but It did teach me a huge lesson.
I learned that if a man really love you, he will be with you. He will know how to treat you and know that he got a prize when he picked you out of all the woman he dated. That also goes to the women who had a man cheat on them and now he is in a new relationship and now is exclusive and not cheating on her. It’s just some men don’t know how to treat a lady and through his mistakes, he decided to do it right and stay faithful. It’s hard to watch because you thinking you were good to him but yet he dogged you out. But at the end of the day, he will move on to someone new and we cannot be stuck on what he did to us and bring that into the next relationship.
Ladies It’s a sad truth but if we are not the one, just except it and move on. Work past the hurt and pain and move forward knowing there is a man that is out there waiting to give you the love you want and need. But make sure to do the self work so that we don’t bring the past into our future!!!!