Cautionary Tale of the Nice Guy

I want to talk to my future wives about a conversation I had with this guy a couple weeks ago. We had a late dinner and were talking about past relationships. He talked about his last relationship with a woman who he was friends with since childhod. They reconnected and he said he always thought she was cute but they always flirted but remained friends only. He decided to pursue a casual relationship with her. One night at the club, he approached her with this friends with benefits idea. She agreed because she was in place in her life where she did not want more than a causal relationship. The catch was that he was now single from being in a serious relationship. He was not interested in dating multiple women, so he told her that he would be exclusive with her in a sexual way because he knew her already and did not want to engage in a sexual relationship with anyone else, just have one causal friend with benefits. She heard what he said and told him that she would be dating and will not be exclusive. They talked about protection and other things.So they became friends with benefits. One night after she was too drunk to drive home from the club, she calls and ask him for a ride home. He said he decided to pick her up because the club is close to his house. He told me that he did not want to drive her back home across town, so he told me that he told her she can stay the night. The next day he cooked her breakfast and they talked and then she went home. During the week, she brought him lunch and he did the same for her. This lady had a little girl from a previous relationship. He ended up spending weekends with her and her daughter and she would spend the next weekend over at his place. Both thought it was convient because they lived a couple of miles away from each other. So it seemed like a good thing for them to be at each others place. Well suddenly she stopped going to the club. She would spend her weekends with him and her daughter.
He told me he got a new job in Arizona, where we both are now living. He was living in another State at the time he was with his friend. So he broke the news to her that he will be moving to Arizona. He told me that she was ok with his move and volunteered to drive him to the airport. So the day of the move, she helps him pack and gets him to the airport with an hour to spare. Both talk about the good times they had together. She told him that she would fly out to visit him and he said when he is in town, he would give her a call. He went on to say that she has been a great friend to him and helped him through his breakup. Suddenly she is very upset. He was confused as to why she became upset when he mentioned their friendship. He told me that she lashed out at him and told him that she thought that they were becoming more than just friends. Confused, he explained to her that they agreed to be friends who hook up. He told her that he has been respectful towards her and her daughter. He cooked her breakfast every morning she spent the night. Spent time with her and her daughter. He could not understand why she was upset when they both had an agreement to stay friends only. She said out of her mouth that she was ok with everything. She told him that she will not fly out to see him and when he was in town, to never call her. She walked out on him and they have not spoken to each other since that day.
I told him why she became upset. First of all, we as women will at first agree to something thinking that we will be ok with the current situation. I told him once he let her spend the night and cooked for her the next day, that could have gotten her to think that maybe you were viewing her as a potential girlfriend. A guy would not usually cook breakfast for a lady he was only having a sexual relationship with unless he felt he liked her more than another girl he was with. Next thing was him spending the weekend with her and her daughter. As a single mother, it brings us joy to see a man taking the time to get to know our children. If our children like someone we are interested in, icing on the cake!!With him spending all his free time with her and her daughter, of course she will think that something special is happening. So now she went from spending her weekends at the club to spending time with him and her daughter like some happy family. He said that he did not see all the warning signs that he was treating her like a girlfriend because she was always in the club. He took her not going to the club with wanting to spend more time with her daugher. He said that she never discussed wanting to take their friendship to the next level. He really thought he was being a nice guy because he knew her from his childhood, so he respected her enough not to treat her like some random chick. He told me that he is not the type to just have sex with someone and then not call or hang out. But being that nice guy, got her thinking that he wanted more. He thought about it and agreed that he never met to hurt her, but she knew he was not ready to be in another relationship.
So after dinner, I went home. But I took home not only leftovers but also a lesson. Ladies, we should not be willing to engage in a situation that we should not be in just because he is a nice guy or comfortable with this person. Not all guys will dog you out after a night of passion. There are nice guys out there who will make us feel special and not like some random person. The point is to pay attention to what he says and what he do. Just because he was being nice to you does not mean he want to wife you up and become step daddy to your children. If he says he only want to remain friends, listen! Those nice gesture are only that, a nice gesture. Never take those gestures as someone wanting more than a friendship unless he speak up and tell you otherwise. If you agree to a friends with benefits situation and suddenly think you want more, speak up! Don’t assume his actions are saying he want more if he says he don’t. I hope my future wives take this lesson to heart and pay attention to words and action. Make sure both match ladies!!!

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