Have you ever thought that you may have not had good luck with men or women is because we unknowingly attract what we have issues with within ourselves? We see women and some men enter abusive relationships after abusive relationships and we wonder why do this person always end up with an abuser? Not only talking about physical abuse but mental abuse. Or have you ever seen someone who always end up with a constant cheater? Then there is those who always picking the man or woman that are considered the bad boy or bad chick! These scenario always have me wondering about myself. Am I truly attracting my worth? Have I even showed someone that I am more worthy of a relationship then a good time?
I have seen plenty of couples that have an overall great relationship. Nothing is always roses and chocolates, but they have a great and healthy relationship. When I ask these ladies and even gentleman how they end up with the person they are with, most say that they found the perfect person for them at the ordained season of their lives. It does not mean they met the person when life was great. Some have actually met their spouse when they were at their rock bottom. This person came right in the nick of time to help pull them out of a bad situation. Others have shared with me that they met their spouse when they realized who they are as a person. To know that they are worth more than their bodies and money. They were ready to focus on themselves and exercise their self esteem. So it made me think about my past and what type of men I was attracting.
When I first met my husband, I was confident and knew what I wanted. I did not have all of my life plans in order, but as far as relationships went, I knew that I wanted to be married. I knew that I would not be intimate with anyone unless this person was going be my husband. So when I met my husband, I knew what I wanted and he said that he liked that I knew what I wanted and stuck to it. Fast forward to after he passed, I changed how I dated men. I was no longer the confident woman who knew what she wanted, I was always at a contradiction phase. I knew I wanted to be in a relationship again.But at the same time I was used to being alone, so I had issues truly opening up and being receptive to someone wanting to get to know me. I moved too fast and used my body as a way to up jump a relationship. Everything became so sex driven, that I figured that if I become intimate, this person will want to be with me. Well yes they wanted to be with me, but only in a sexual nature. I also wanted to rush the process and go from first date to wedding dress fitting lol. You cannot jump ship! Gotta take that time to get to know someone inside and out.
I realized that I was attracting men that in some way took advantage of my need to be in a serious relationship. Most told me all the things I wanted to hear because they knew it would soften me up and I would give up the cookies with the promise of a wonderful relationship. Once they got the cookies, then they want to step back and slow down and keep things causal. Only coming when they wanted the cookies. I did no better for myself because I would not slow down. My flaw was that I wanted an instant relationship. Just shake and stir. No need to read all the ingredients and taking my time. Just go from A to Z in a matter of days .So now that I am aware of my flaws I have to take it upon myself to stop that cycle. I have two girls and do not want them to rush into a relationship that may not be healthy for them.
Through my highs and lows of dating I am slowly becoming that confident woman! I have issues to still get over such as rushing and not taking my time. God knows that is an area I need help in. So I start practicing this by talking to potential person I am interested in. Do not open the cookie jar! So far that has worked out great. Almost two years celibate. Now I get to know the person and take it day by day. Let this person see my confidence and see that I am not rushing a good thing. Leave insecurities at the door. When a man or woman see you loving yourself in a positive way, they will have no choice but to love you in return !!!