The trouble with oversharing family issues

I want to talk about your relationship with your family and your future spouse. How much of an impact do your family have over your relationship? Do you think it’s wise to talk to your family about the issues you may have with your significant other? It can be tricky because when you are having a difficult time with your partner, you usually go to the person you trust the most, which is your family. But in telling them everything, will that make them view your partner in a negative way?

I have to be honest. I went through this heavy with my family. When I was married to my husband, I would overshare with my family about what went on, the good and bad. But with family, they tend to forget the good, and only remember all the bad smh lol. So I went through a lot of negativity because after I overshared my issues, I was ready to forgive my spouse but my family was not. It is hard when you bring them around for family get together and holidays. I wished I did not share so much because it did have an impact with my family. After my husband passed away, I became bitter with my family for the issues my family had with my husband. It was a hard couple of years.

Sometimes your family means well. When you go and tell them about the issues of your relationship, their first reaction is to protect. They feel like this person you love don’t have your best interest at heart. So their first reaction is to tell this person how they hurt you. The spouse feel the need to defend themselves. The next issue will be your spouse confronting you about telling your family about every argument. We tend to share it all, even the petty arguments that can last a couple of hours. The funny part is that the petty arguments are the ones the family remember the most!!

Through time, I have forgiven my family over the issues I had with them regarding my husband. I also take responsibility because when you overshare issues, then others will never be as forgiving as you are. I learned a valuable lesson through what I did with my family. I learned to never overshare every detail, every petty arguments with my family. That means not sending subliminal messages through social media. When you are throwing shade at a spouse, most likely your family and even friends will start to assume its about your spouse. I will not share every petty arguments as well. Why share that your spouse is lazy because he or she won’t wash the dirty dish? Or will not help fold up the clothes? All you will do is make family think you married a dirty spouse lol!

I believe the best way to handle disagreements with your spouse is counseling with someone who is unbiased and have nothing to offer but advice that will help your relationship and not break it up. The more you communicate with your spouse instead of running to family, then the less they need to know. The less they know, the less they have to say. It’s hard to speak negatively when you have nothing to go on. There may come a time where you will want to discuss with your family the issues you have with your spouse. But in doing that I would tell family members you want to have prayer for your family. Don’t share everything, but just give a brief summary about why you need the prayer and began to pray.

I hope this post give you some insight about family issues and how not to overshare. I am not saying not to share anything with family, but I would say be selective with what you share. If it is something serious such as drugs or abuse, tell someone immediately!!! Other than that, love your family, be selective with what you share, and be sure to discuss with your spouse the issues you have before telling anyone else.

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