I wanted to talk to my future wives about the tricky side of dating. I don’t know about you, but I now get annoyed when a guy say that he want to be friends, but want to have sex!!! Back in the day, I would have agreed that we should build a friendship and explore that sexual side. Besides you want you want to make sure that this person can please you in every way possible. But now that I have gotten closer to God, and understand why God put sex with marriage and not outside, I can no longer be the friend with benefits.
Why would I put myself through a situation where we are supposed to be friends, but we are also sex buddies. In this case you are not making love, because you do not belong to the person. You are only exploring options of being together, but he or she is also exploring that with others. So now we all are a bunch of sex buddies who don’t know if we want to be more, but we are giving the most intimate part of ourselves to this person who is unsure of your future together. I did not get that when I was busy being friends with these men and keeping it light. Truth is you can never keep it friends with benefits forever. Somewhere down the line, a choice has to be made.
When you are busy exploring that option to keep it friendly, you are offering your body to someone who may not want to be more than a friend. You are basically saying that you are ok with not being the girlfriend or wife, or even boyfriend with potential to being a husband. Friends with benefits will leave someone hurt and regretting you decision of becoming the sexual friend. When you think about it, why would you even jeopardize your friendship for a few minutes of pleasure? Attraction is one thing, but when you add intimacy with it, it can get complicated. You are no longer friends and now you have to either work pass that one night or stop speaking. Friendships should be more sacred and not for sex and bonding unless you are looking for a partner in life, then you can say you have the best sex with your best friend in marriage.
When I would talk to guys I was dating, we would be intimate. You think somehow you are the only one he is being intimate with. Down the road you find out that he is also friends with other women and exploring all options. So now insecurities set in and you wonder if you are the better sex partner or if the other woman is. I don’t know but that got old for me. Why should I compete with someone else. If all you want from me is a friendship, then why am I offering you more? If you need more time to decide if you want to be more, why should I continue giving you that side that is meant for one special person. What I came to realize is that great sex won’t keep someone around. He will want to be only your sexual friend, but nothing more. I seen cases where people who became friends with benefits become an actual couple, but that is not as often as the latter.
My point in this is to say with me, I can no longer be a friend who will give up her body just for a possibility. I want to know that you want me for who I am. That my character and personality is what you are looking for in a mate. I want us to work on building a true friendship where we are not clouded by great sex. We have to be patient enough to know that sex will come when it is supposed to and in the sacredness of marriage. Sex will not solve your issues in life. Sex is meant to enhance a relationship and not define it. When you think about it, you are not having sex all day, you have to live your everyday life. It can be stressful and beautiful. But when you have bonded with a true friendship, you can weather any storm that come your way with God by your side.
I will this time around, form a real and true bond with my future husband. Get to know him inside and out. By the time true intimacy is to be had, it will be special and I cam say that I got to know my friend without the extras that don’t belong in a friendship. Hope this help someone who no longer want to be the friend with benefits.