Loving YOU before you can love HIM

Ladies are you in love with yourself? Do you define who you are by who you are with? I used to define myself by my relationship statues. I felt more confident if I was with someone. It did not matter if he was wrong for me, if I was in a relationship, I felt more pretty and desirable. After my husband passed, I became single. After awhile it was no longer fun and I felt like I needed a family again. I felt empty and not enough unless I had a man standing next to me.

I did not see value in myself. I began an empty search of love. I did not love myself enough to just enjoy being single. I wanted a man so bad that when I would go out on dates, I appeared desperate and kept telling them that all I was looking for was a good time, I knew they did not believe me. I said I wanted fun but I often talked about not liking being single and I love myself more when I am in a relationship! I was a walking contradiction. If I did not have a date, I would began to question why I was home on a Friday night. Was it because I was not sexy enough? fun enough? smart enough? easy enough? pretty enough? I had all these questions in my head. I thought the only way I would get a man to be with me is to become what they wanted.

But doing those things like having one night stands and drinking too much, I did not feel whole. He left with what he wanted, but it did not improve my self esteem. I was left loving myself less and thinking that I simply was not enough for anyone. As time went on, I realized that I am not any better alone then I was when I was with someone. I put so much pressure in being someone that if I did not get a date,my self esteem diminished with each rejection. I became lonely and not focused on my kids as much but self pity instead. When will I get over being not enough?

That is when God spoke to me and said that I am enough! His words came in a whisper in my ear or a voice inside my head. It would ask when will I began to do the self work? When will I began to love God more then my need to be with a man? When will I love myself and wait on God to send someone special to me? I realized that in order to love my future husband, I need to love God.  When I love God, He will show me how to love myself. To cherish my body, to be ok with my hair, skin tone, personality, values and my relationship with God.

I am still a work in progress, but I have more confidence in myself than I have ever had in my life! I came to realize that its true about that verse Whitney Houston would sing on ” The greatest love of all;”learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all!” I encourage all my future wives to look within. Ask yourself if your relationship with God is strong? Ask if you have a great relationship with yourself? Ask if you are being yourself or if you are compromising yourself for the sake for others? If you are not being true to yourself or not in love with yourself, start today! do what make you happy! Pray for what you want and let God do His job! Love yourself and everything else will fall into place in its season!

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